Unauthorized Bio

 
 
 

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In many ways, I’m an altar boy gone wrong. (Sometimes VERY wrong.)
Fresh out of college, while working for an acclaimed documentary filmmaker and the Oscar, Emmy, and Peabody-winning American Masters series, I actually co-wrote (and published under a pseudonym) an unauthorized celebrity biography. It was subsequently excerpted in the Star. The Associated Press said of it “Journalism has hit an all time low.”
Nonetheless, my career’s comic low point was my first event for Bloomingdales, months before my YOGA IN BED DVD was released.
As I sat on the bed about to begin my yoga demo, the floor manager refused to believe this was an authorized promotion and went in search of security to explore having me thrown out of the store. (Sorry Kathy Griffin, but it doesn’t get more D-list than being threatened with eviction from one of your own events.)
Ironically, one year later, at the exact same location, once the DVD hit #1 for all of wellness on Amazon.com after my appearance on REGIS & KELLY, I experienced my career’s comic high point: Bloomingdales took out not one, but two 1/2 page ads in the New York Times describing me as a “legendary yoga master.”
(Lesson: believe none of what you read.)
By the way, I believe I am the only person to have been in bed with both Pat Sajak and Kelly Ripa (certainly at the same time, and definitely on national television.)
I also believe I am the only writer/director to have cast Sandy Duncan and drag artist Lypsinka in the same West Village reading of one of my scripts.
My favorite review of my work is from ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY for an internet feature I wrote and directed they selected for their “Best of the Web” and praised as “a cross between DAWSON’S CREEK and SCOOBY DOO.” (Frankly, entertainment couldn’t possibly get any better than that.)
Or maybe I’m proudest of winning first place in this state-wide Catholic Daughters of America poetry contest in Junior High (and no, I don’t still own those pants.)
Some other interesting facts:
I definitely believe wine is fine on any cleanse.
My favorite Christmas tradition is my sister’s best friend’s annual cookie bake-off in Connecticut where I’m famous for being the most impartial, impeccably honest, and rigorous cookie judge.
I promptly return all my emails.
I love watching lots and lots television (and not the stuff on PBS or CNN).
Coffee has no effect on me whatsoever, yet I may very well be addicted to Candy Crush on my ipad.
Although I like to think of myself as very “go with the flow” I seem to have an outrageous number of strong opinions on countless unimportant topics.
I actively avoid the news.
I got a letter of commendation for Literary Theory yet nearly flunked Latin.
Although I’ve taught hundreds and hundreds of yoga classes, by far the most talked about is the one where I played three Britney Spears songs in a row.
I don’t “get” twitter at all but I’m quite passionate about massage.
And since I really love all personality assessment systems, I believe it’s the best way to get to know me fast. Thus, I’m proud to reveal myself as …
A Cancer Sun with a Scorpio Moon and Scorpio Ascendent;
In Vedic Astrology I’m a Gemini with a Scorpio Moon and a Libra Ascendent;
In Mayan astrology I’m a White Dog;
In Chinese, I’m a Rabbit;
In Cherokee, I’m a Wolf.
In Myers-Briggs, apparently I’m an ENFJ,

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In Human Design, I’m an Emotional Projector (a minority type that includes Barack Obama, George Clooney, and Charlie Sheen).
And numerologically, I’m a number 1.
(Pick the system you like best and we’ll get along just fine.)
Netflix, by the way, believes that my three favorite qualities in a movie are “quirky, witty, and heart-warming” and I think that says a lot. (I also love any action movie provided someone says at least one semi-‘mystical’ thing.)
And although I would never described myself as one of those people who’s obsessed with their dog…I’m obsessed with my dog (obviously).

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