I love foreign sales because besides sharing the book with more people, it’s also pretty much Found Money.  You’ve done the work already, so it’s like extra windfalls of cash.

YOGA IN BED & YOGA FOR SUITS are in a dozen or more languages.  I really love stories like how my (sorta) friend Sam couldn’t believe he stumbled upon a copy in some remote corner of Asia or how the nice Jenny Knowles sent me a review from an Australian publication.

Tomorrow is a very intense day of comings and goings.   Belle and I drive Susan to the airport at 7 am so she can  transform, uplift and be a laser beam of love (I adore branding statements) to the residents of our 50th state.   On the way home we have a conference call with an organic dog food company — they are great.  We have another conference call with a publicist on the way back to the airport at 2pm to pick up Adrian, who is coming to stay with us (read “supervise our mental health”) for a week.

Although Belle and I will really miss Susan, it’s like she’ll still be here in that I’m going to share so many of the great things she’s shared with me with Adrian.

I’ve been looking forward to his visit very much because I’ve been acutely aware of how enjoyable it is to introduce what you appreciate with someone totally receptive.  I now have dozens and dozens of things I love here in San Francisco — awesome things like the Beach at Crissy Field with Belle, or even just the view from Telegraph Hill itself — and I know I will be in an enhanced state of appreciation the entire time I’m sharing them with Adrian.

Oh and the title of today’s blog … Every time I finish an episode ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT it offers me the choice of BACK TO BROWSING or PLAY ANOTHER EPISODE … Guess which one I chose without fail.

Perhaps I’m censoring myself a bit because I actually just stumbled on how many people actually read this blog, and it turns out to be more than just myself, Susan, Belle, my mother (or so she says) and Dan.

This weekend after branding session #3, I immediately incorporated our new positioning statement on the slider on the home page.  I hadn’t ever adjusted anything on that page before — it’s the only thing in the template that’s not intuitive and super-easy — but in doing so, I  also stumbled on the actual part of my site that lets me see how many people have actually visited various pages.

Of course it doesn’t reveal who reads which post, just the number of visits or clicks or whatever –– and maybe it’s all spammers –– but it’s taking me a moment to adjust to my shattered illusion that I’m not corresponding in a “Dear Diary” way.

In any case, it is worth noting that the progression of events today was a clear prioritizing of ALIGNMENT first — meditation and actually doing some yoga before checking the emails and swinging into ACTION — followed by a major insight about a recent situation.

This is a rather weird thing — and again I’m being discrete since there are apparently more than five people reading this –– where I felt that someone I care about had behaved rather badly.  This is something that hasn’t happened to me in such a way in at least 5 years, so that it has taken me aback — that is until today when suddenly the entire pattern of it all became instantly clear and I lost all attachment.  There was actually an Oprah level “Aha” moment about it all, which somehow really took the remaining charges out of it.

Ten minutes later my discrete spa/cash flow miracle appeared.

And then, with the subconscious-distraction (according to David Neagle) fire put out, I actually got a lot of work done on the screenplay.

Of course, I do credit newfound insight this morning as the impetus for my progress, but also the fact that I’ve been bribing myself all day with ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.

I feel like I’ve watched most if not all of the series before and it’s just so good.  At 21 minutes an episode on instant netflix, it’s the perfect snack between phone calls and emails and editing pages from the script.

Like a donkey with a carrot, I promise myself another 5 pages or two challenging calls, and then an episode, and as simplistic as my self-bribery is … it’s actually working.

And as for the title of today’s blog, well, I guess it’s a reminder to myself not to look behind the curtain regarding the readership — or maybe TO look behind the curtain so that scary patterns can instantly dissolve.

About that I have no illusions.

I love that it begins with financial turmoil –– with Geoffrey Rush about to meet terrible pains unless he can produce a hit.   I love sexy young Shakespeare’s complicated love life which reminds me of my own before I became a single Dad raising Belle.  I think it’s genius how the film captures the way stray remarks and overheard lines creep into one’s work;  the enormous degree of uncertainty and totally unpredictable evolution of the creative process.  And, most specifically, I wanted to see it because I like the multiple repetitions of the phrase “It’s a Mystery” when various characters inquire of one another how things can possibly work out.  It’s a mystery, indeed.

[By the way, I definitely wanted to see it because right now I have no idea how ANYTHING specific in my life is going to work out;  I just like everyone's complete confidence (and I mean both characters in the movie and friends in my life) that it will and that when it comes to the exact mechanics, well -- it's a mystery.]

[Aside #2:  Frankly, it's also a mystery why Joseph Fiennes did not become a major star after SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE, but a little bit of research reveals he more or less opted to return to the London stage;  I think he's beyond brilliant in the role.]

I spent a few hours this morning figuring out the right rigging in the cottage to shoot some B-Roll for my upcoming ab video series with Amy Ahlers.  I devoted an ungodly amount of time trying to hang a sheet for a neutral background — and not to give away the sacred obscurity of the Magic Cottage — until I finally managed to find some thumbtacks to insert into the ceiling.  Video 1 … COMPLETE.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the video yet.  I’m more or less chronicling my journey back into “fighting shape” and feel the real power of this and its fellow videos will be as a Before & After kind of thing.  [So if there's no significant AFTER, it's kind of like watching a Warhol film for 3 hours where nothing happens.]  And please note, these are NOT the actual course which will be an extension and amplification of the core strength workshop I created which I totally love.

My babysitting career is thriving and I hung out with Jonah for a few hours today.  Again, he’s fantastic and I would easily and willing volunteer to spend time with him;  it’s just a great bonus that Val and Clark insist on paying me.

Finally, Susan and Belle and Val and Clark and Jonah and I met up for a Three Aquarians Birthday Party (of which Clark was one) that had a fantastic cellist named Daniel Sperry who played and recited poetry, much of which included poems I’ve often shared while teaching yoga.  Here’s a video of him playing and reciting a little Rumi:

And as a bonus gift to you, Dear Reader, here’s one of the poems I’d never heard before but Susan knew that was one of my favorites that Daniel Sperry shared.

KINDNESS

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the
Indian in a white poncho lies dead
by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you, how he too was someone who journeyed through the night
with plans and the simple breath
that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness
as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow
as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness
that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day
to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

Had my third meeting with the wonderful Raymond Davi today where we completed an elevator pitch/positioning statement that I actually love.

I cannot tell you the sense of relief this provides me with — SERIOUSLY.

For one thing, it relieves me of the burden of having to define myself afresh to strangers (and lets face it, strangers are scary enough to begin with.)

I got out of this perfectly at a dinner party last month where we had to go around and introduce ourselves.  I just got to say, “Susan can introduce me so much better than I could” — and she did (FABULOUSLY, of course).

But when I went to my first networking meeting for THE TABLE in San Francisco and we had to stand up and introduce ourselves, Susan wasn’t there and Belle really did not step up to the plate verbally.

I have found myself getting mired in listing credits and projects –– and there are too many;  UPWARD DOG’s release, and the novel being option for film, and MIRACLE touring six continents, not to mention the visual art, and when we start to get into the yoga … well, it’s an endless sea of impressive credits but without a handle.

And now we have that handle — or umbrella if you will — which is both accurate and intriguing.

I am

A Playful Provocateur
Who Creates Breakthrough Experiences
In Books, Body, and Soul.

I love that!

And the second part — my point of difference if you want to use marketing speak — is

I’m the artist who can make you laugh, cry, move your body, and transform your life –– all at the same time.

And then I can start telling you about the books and the films and the plays and the yoga and the paintings — that is if you’re interested (which I sincerely hope you will be.)

I really do think we found the right phrases to describe everything from YOGA IN BED to the novel to taking one of my yoga classes to the Dropback Canvases.

[Of course, the ultimate irony would be if/when I have a super-massive success and end up just being "he's the guy who wrote those Harry Potter (2013) books."]

If you’ve never been in this situation –– ie, you have a great, simple job description “I’m a brain surgeon at County General” for example –– you might not fully appreciate my sense of relief.

Yet it’s not just a marketing scheme that’s given me this satisfaction.  It’s deeper than that.

Part of it, I realize, is that artists (and teachers) are motivated by the desire to communicate something (or a whole bunch of things) and by the satisfactions that offers.

Really, the best answer to the question for me of “what do you do?” is, “Why don’t you sit down in this room with my seven books, my two feature films, a stack of canvases, LLS will brilliantly perform MIRACLE IN RWANDA live, and oh yes, there’s this other large pile of in-progress work;  I’ll come back and get you in a few days and then we can discuss it.”

Besides satisfying the desire to be understood, having a statement at the ready means that I can avoid my own internal dialogue about listing various things, wondering if it sounds scattered, and thus feeling compelled to list every single award and honor I’ve won in order to be taken seriously despite working in different media.  [That's because even though strangers are very scary, their opinions are EXTREMELY important it seems.]

Most importantly, though, it does somehow make you feel EMPOWERED to have a ready answer to define your complicated work.

Even though it may only be a presentational tool, somehow, like wearing your very best outfit or getting a haircut before a job interview or your shoes shined, having a positioning statement really does allow you feel at your very best.

OK — time to create some more playfully provocative breakthrough experiences in body, book, and soul.

Given my passion for the telephone, I called yesterday — my executive was gone but another voice was on the line — and astonishingly that person called me back at 8:30 am today (weirdly they re-route their calls through New Jersey).

So my DKNY promotion may be back on — another sign of things to come.

At 10 am met Amy Ahlers for a hike with our dogs in Oakland to discuss the possibilities for our joint video course.  Our hike was fantastic — Belle zeroed in on a stream immediately and splashed extensively.    I love Amy’s Manifesting Generator wisdom about rollouts and launches and schedules.  She’s amazing and inspiring and really Good News.  Here’s a beautiful tree that graced our super-fun hike.  [FYI, if you think that best-selling wellness authors spend their days hiking and brainstorming new products, well today you're right.]

Returned home to find dream parking and then a deep and profound nap listening to Jonathan Goldman, a composer who is truly MAGIC.

Skype conversation with Christina in London, my amazing friend and biz partner strategist, about all the branding stuff I’ve been working on.  I look forward to her notes on it in the am before I have my 11 am phone call with Ray to further define our elevator pitch/positioning statement.  [And Thank You Dan for your comments and refinements tonight!]

Dinner with Susan and Belle at Hillstone where I ate my last piece of bread EVER.

I’m beginning a fruit/veg cleanse, and then a juice cleanse, and then god knows what else.  Since Amy and I are doing our ab video course about strengthening and self-acceptance, I feel inspired (but I would self-accept myself a little more readily if I were a little more in shape!)

And then, of course, I’m needed in Mystic Falls to watch last night’s Vampire Diaries to assist where I can in the increasingly complicated Vampires, Witches,  Werewolves, and Hybrids plot (no, not Prius Plural, but a weird Vampire/Werewolf combination which is just plain WRONG.)

By the way, in the title of this blog, I’m referring to the fact that whenever I watch an ad on hulu, I’m asked in small print at the top, “Is this ad relevant to you?”  The answer is always more or less “no.”  What ads are RELEVANT to me?  Frankly, I’ve never seen one.  They may be entertaining or annoying, but are any commercials “relevant” to my life?  [YES, I want whiter whites or better rates through Geico -- who thinks that way...?  A relevant ad would be something like, "here's your blind spot" or "we'd suggest editing the voice-over dialogue this way" or "you're just plain great."]

Anyway, stay tuned.  I’ll try and stay relevant.

I’ve never thought that much about origami beyond that it seems rather interesting, but the world of these artist is AMAZING.  Just look at what they can do with a single piece of paper, no cuts, no tape or glue — simply folding:

I very much liked the beginning of the director’s statement on the film’s website: “At its heart, Between the Folds is a film about potential. The potential of an uncut paper square. The potential of a wild scientific idea. The potential to see things differently.”  And the ending:  “this has also been a project about transformation—not only of paper squares, but of people and lives also.”

As I was watching, I was reminded of one of my very favorite books growing up, A WRINKLE IN TIME, which I re-read last year and loved.  The first book signing I ever went to as a junior high school student was for Madeleine L’Engle because I admired her work so much.  I just sort of HAD to show up.

I was reminded of A WRINKLE IN TIME because the tesseract is all about folding space and time (hence the title) in some kind of mystical, quantum physics-y way that we all know deep down is possible I think.  [It's echoed in DUNE where people travel across the galaxy by those drugged out worms that can fold space.]

I did feel the urge to be able to fold time together because I spent the bulk of the day in Miracle Generating calls which oddly have not yielded a penny, but instead two strong possibilities to teach yoga retreats at super-high end spas.  IE, I’d love to fold time right into that next luxury vacation if I could.

Another highlight was a very fruitful hour long conversation with marketing wizard Ray that yielded 3 positioning statements we can keep crafting so that I’ll someday be able to cogently answer the question “what do you do” in a succinct way that makes sense and is compelling.

And, inspired by all my desires to fold space and time, I decided to see if a WRINKLE IN TIME the movie was available for streaming and it is and I am half-way through.  It’s not great, but we couldn’t really expected that from any adaptation of such a specific, beloved, and imaginative book.

I haven’t fully processed it all yet, but I actually think there’s something about origami that emphasizes another aspect of the tesseract;  rather than traveling, it’s more about constructing all reality from one universal substance through infinite folds and layers.  In an origami universe everything is always totally connected, and only temporarily folded into a shape, akin to the wave merging back into the ocean philosophical insight about life.  [FYI, one of the stars of BETWEEN THE FOLDS is the youngest ever M.I.T. professor Erik Demaine who teaches math involving/inspired by origami.]

Anyway, maybe in tonight’s and tomorrow morning’s meditations, I’ll see if I can tesseract my way straight towards luxury.

Earlier, I had left a prized spot for a Trader Joe’s outing for lunch, only to find the very same spot was still available — a MIRACLE.

Then at 4:30, I felt that Belle and I needed a beach walk so we departed our prime spot.  The beach walk was amazing — I walked barefoot and let my ankles get wet because my friend Dan’s crackpot muse has said it is vital we connect our feet to the earth every day — but when we returned home, it was the most challenging parking I’d ever experienced.  SERIOUSLY.  Circling around forever without a spot in sight, until I opted for one I’d have to forfeit at 7:30 am or be towed (for like $600).

But at 10:30 pm tonight I felt an impulse and raced Belle outside and sure enough, we found a lucky, perfect, amazing spot — and even a stranger to acknowledge and compliment our luck.

I have been feeling lucky all day which is a huge breakthrough in that finances are at a low ebb.  Both my private clients have been struck by the Spanish Flu (well, not exactly — but that’s what happened to everyone at Downton Abbey in 1919 so I’m just trying to merge my worlds) and as soon as they’re recovered from their 2012 flues I’ll be flush.

But today, I had to break my lucky $100 bill that I always carry with me — it’s something I read in a book year ago that works about always having a large bill on you so that you subconsciously always know you’re never out of cash.  And yet I broke it with total joy, somehow knowing all would be well, in fact, is well.  Thank you lucky $100 for my Trader Joe’s salad and a delicious caramel chocolate bar.

If you’ve been reading the blog you’ll know I’m passionate about making phone calls these days, and I fulfilled my vow today, calling old clients and old friends alike.  These have ranged from the sublime to the hilarious.   [One old client who was delighted to hear from me actually said that he never checks his email and yet he's actively (read "urgently") looking for work so ... uh .... what do you say to that?]

I think I had four (maybe five) marketing meetings on the phone which ranged from pleasant to the totally inspiring.

I love the days where you’ve generated so much that you can’t quite remember it all and therefore there’s no weight on any of it;  you’re not waiting by the phone on a dateless Saturday night, but instead merely delighted when good news simply rolls in.  It’s like THE RULES — except for career success — where you’ve truly positioned yourself as “hard to get” and therefore that much more appealing (oh Patti Stanger, you would be doubly proud.)

Here’s a discrete, condensed story as well:  someone offered to introduce me to a business someone who turned out to be ridiculously unreachable.  This offended me for an hour or two.  Then I realized I’d already met them six months ago and chatted at length and thought they were merely OK and hadn’t really felt inspired to connect further.  But for a few hours I was chasing after something I thought I wanted/needed and offended when I couldn’t get it, when in fact I’d already declined the possibility of going further after an actual encounter.  Hilarious…

Aren’t I lucky?

My phone calls got re-arranged a bit (a favorite organic dog food manufacturer is now tomorrow; a publicist had to rearrange), but Susan and Belle and I had the best lunch with Amy Ahlers and her husband Rob, spontaneously joined by Val.   Totally delicious and a totally delightful time.

We’d planned this lunch for a while, with part 2 being a rousing game of Transformation.

Midway through I thought, “This is probably how most people think three best-selling inspirational authors spend their time,” and it’s sorta true –– although it’s taken 2 months to schedule.  [Susan and I have the advantage of being only three stories and 150 feet apart, so it's a lot easier to make happen.]

The game was fantastic, with tons of synchronicities ranging from each of our Over-Lighting Angels [each of which was a perfect match] to where we landed on the board.

Amy and Rob had to leave to attend their Bella (no relation to my Belle, although we also met a five month old bulldog named “Belle” this morning as well), and Susan and I completed our games.  Transformation is a game without a winner, but that doesn’t stop me from usually declaring myself the Victor for finishing first; today’s game, where I asked about crafting my perfect elevator pitch, seemed like an easy victory, but proved to be my “roughest” game yet.]

I’ve been watching spurts of JACKIE BROWN all day yesterday and today, and did so during a little dinner break — along with two marketing calls.

And then Susan and I watched IT’S A BRAD, BRAD WORLD — which I don’t think exactly fits into people’s conception of how bestselling self-actualization authors hang out (unless they read this blog.)

Val, by the way, had given Susan the best Valentine’s day gift –– this lips pillow, which Belle made great use of while she napped during our Transformation time.

Given that she’s always embodying all levels of love perfectly, there’s not much else for her to do except wait for us to catch-up.

I almost went home and changed, but then I realized that not only do people go out in public like that wearing pants with torn knees, but that I used to all the time, and I believe Dan does not own a single pair of untattered pants.

Inspired yet torn, Belle and I went to the Transportation Authority and had an easy and effortless experience, despite the fact that when I tell people I have to go to the DMV (technically it’s the MTA), they are more sympathetic than if I told them I’d just lost a close relative.

One of the up-sides of my coaching these days is a re-examination of the value of the personal call.

Obviously, I still talk to people on the phone, but not so much as I used to, and really only with my very closest friends.

The major reason is, of course, the incredible convenience of the Inter Web.

But there is a real downside to that, both personally and professionally.

If you graphed my phone time, it would definitely be in a steady decline from post-college onward.  It just felt normal to have 20, 30 minute conversations with a few different friends every day.  And if you just felt like casually reconnecting with someone the choice was either to call them or write them a letter.  There was no midway means of contact.

Two weeks ago, I vowed to make as many phone calls as possible (sort of) and today I started the plan.

I had a delightful chat with my former book editor, the one from YOGA IN BED (published in 2005) and YOGA FOR SUITS (2006).

It’s been about 5 years or so since we connected, but in 20 minutes we established lots of fun ties and she gave me some great suggestions and ideas even though she’s shifted careers a bit and gone freelance.

With friends, it’s even trickier, not just because they’re increasingly scattered, but also because I feel semi-connected to them through the Face Place.

For example, one of my best buddies is my friend Tamer and he was out-of-town when I was in NYC,  although I did get to see his wonderful wife and newborn son (I take credit for more or less being the Angelic Force that started things in motion).  I keep “meaning to call” him to check in but end up just looking at his facebook pics instead.

There can of course be something a little aggressive, even overly-aggressive about the sales or business call, and that’s why all those marketers insist on it.  It’s harder to say, “No” to a real person and pretty easy to ignore an email.  In fact, you can easily insist you never got the email (“It went to my spam file”) but there’s not really a conversational equivalent (“I’m not aware you’re speaking to me right now”) that’s non-psychotic.

Anyway, I’m so inspired to make a gazillion phone calls tomorrow (and beyond), to both business contacts and my dearest friends.

And somehow this ties together — in more ways than I can figure, but including that Katey, Tamer’s wife and my good friend, and I last saw Alvin Ailey’s REVELATIONS together (we are both obsessed and pretty much see it a few times every year) + Clark last night said one of his birthday themes which happens to be one of my favorite moments in REVELATIONS (“I Wanna Be Ready”) + there’s frankly NOTHING our civilization has produced that is more beautiful than FIX ME, JESUS…

I love taking people every year to share REVELATIONS, and so maybe if you’ve never seen it before, you’ll come with me Christmas 2012.

P.S. I LOVE the first comment on the youtube video: “the first time i saw this piece performed i sat in my seat and cried like a baby. very moving. yes this 6′ 2″ , 230 lb man cried like a baby. when ever i get a chance to see this company, i run to buy tickets.”

Me, too…(both running to buy tickets AND crying like a baby)

(I also feel a real cleaning and re-organizing can do just as much good for the soul as almost any therapy or new age cure I know.)

Today I crafted a few very specific business emails, but then had the delightful task of going to the beach with Jonah and Belle, and taking him out for brunch afterwards.  You really can’t complain about a diner which serves the kiddie menu selections in a car.

And another car synchronicity:  when I bought my car from Carmax there was a problem with the motor in the back window — it was just sticking.  They fixed it and now, suddenly, 3 years later it’s happening again.

It’s the kind of annoying thing that you can tolerate (provided you’re living in California) for a bit, and since it’s not life or death, wait until you have both a little extra cash to fix + a half day to kill when you drop the car off at the mechanics.

Last night, we parked next to a Porsche (also a convertible) where the owner had done a duct tape repair of his roof.   It felt like a little reminder that all of us are in the same boat sometimes with our little repairs and trials and tribulations.

Speaking of which, I had other things to write about but it’s late — went to Clark’s birthday party and then had to watch the latest Downton Abbey as soon as it was available.

Once again, Lady Violet/Maggie Smith is just sheer genius — and the perfect reminder of everything that’s important.  When she says to Lady Edith, “Don’t be defeatist dear, it’s very middle class,” and after the Earl has made his decision about Sybil, “We must work with what we’ve got” — well, you just want to phone her up and ask her take on everything (with the obvious disclaimer not being that she is a fictional character, but that Lady Violet would certainly speak to anyone on the telephone — although I take it back, she did once, but only because it was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.)